GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRR

Valentine's Day. It's a bullshit holiday. We all know it. It's an excuse for greeting card companies and restaurants to make an extra buck. It throws singles into a state of boundless self-pity. It puts love in an unrealistic and distorting light. And usually I'd spend this day bitching and moaning about being single. But you know what? It's not hurting anyone, this day. I mean, not in any big way, at least. For some reason, I'm just really apathetic towards it all this year. I mean, sure I'm single and would like to feel that kind of connection, and sure, it kind of hurts to watch all the happy couples, and sure the girl I kind of liked off and on at various times this year is in a relationship as of this morning, but really, none of it bothers me as much as it should. Or at least, as much as it used to. Life's not that bad. I've got great friends, school is going well, and I think I just might finally have some kind of idea of what I'm going to do with my life. The day is moderately depressing...but, in light of all else, it's really only moderately so. Tonight was awesome. Everything's all snowed over around these parts, and it's fucking beautiful. It also turns out that it all froze over, and when I slipped atop a snow-covered hill at like one in the morning and inadvertently realized that the hills covering my campus make excellent slides in this weather, much fun was had by me a few friends. We spent a good hour wandering campus searching for icy mounds to scale and plummet from. There was something simultaneously silly and immature and thrilling and relaxing about it all; kind of put everything in perspective. Even when things aren't perfect, there's always something good around the corner waiting for you to find it by accident. Maybe it would have been nice to have the perfect girl and the perfect day just drop into my lap, but hey, what can you do. Life doesn't work against you. Things tend to work themselves out in the end; no use whining like a little bitch over the petty details.

Not a bad way to spend the hours following a day I'm none too fond of.

How can a person grow so cold?
To be deaf to a stranger’s cry
As he lies bleeding in the road
And you will try to justify
The things that you and I both know are wrong
Your stuttered laughter tells me more
Than you’d have ever wanted me to know

Praying to an anthem on a rock o’er the water
Turn your head indifferently
At our your own people’s slaughter
And empathy, humanity,
Are those four-letter words inside your shell?
And I don’t know how you were raised
But I was taught to curb that evil spell

Are you human?

The hole in your chest where hearts may often rest
As empty on the vows
You make about your emptiness
We gave our all as you recall
The stonewall selfishness that is your name
But you don’t mind that label
For selfish is the gospel you proclaim

There is a girl with a name I do not know
And though we never spoke
I’m glad he left and left you with your soul
And someday soon the harvest moon
Will loom above for all of us to see
And we will stare into the sky
And understand though you’ll still disagree

Are you human?

It's not like I didn't see it coming miles and miles away. It wasn't working. We both knew it. We barely saw each other, and when we did, there was something weird about it. I knew it was inevitable. She ended it. But we both knew. Hell, if I'd had a chance to actually talk to her earlier it probably would have happened sooner. I mean, I'm not happy. But I'm not too unhappy either. So I guess it's not terrible. I've got friends to talk about it to, therapeutic music to listen to, and other things to distract me from it.

Tomorrow is a new day.

This was a crazy night.

OK. I was supposed to have a date tonight. Since at college I don't have access to a car, this was gonna be our first real date, had everything planned out. However, on the way I made a wrong turn, and I ended up in car accident. I freaked out. I was scared out of my mind. My car was really damaged, I'm okay, though (albeit shaken up). Thing is though, I was pretty far away from my house. I called up my parents, and they were on their way, but it would be a while before they got there. I called Ann Marie up, and her dad volunteered to pick me up and let me stay at their house for a while until my parents got there, but as it turns out, I was on the wrong road (route 25 instead of 25A), and by the time we figured this out and Ann Marie and her dad found me, my parents (who had gone the right way) were closer to Ann Marie's house than I was. I was so relieved to see Ann Marie, a familiar (and very pretty) face in the midst of a sea of craziness and hysteria. By the time we got to her house, her mom had already let my parents in, and, long story short, we all ended up ordering pizza and eating dinner together. Fortunately, her family was great, and her parents and mine got along really well. I ended up meeting her whole family (and playing Smash Bros. 64 with Ann Marie and her younger brother and sister).

So yeah...in one night, I got into my first car accident and met my girlfriend's family (and had her meet mine). It's all been a bit surreal. I'm half expecting for this whole night to have been a crazy dream and that I'll wake up any minute now. Not quite how I planned on spending my night, but, well, it was kind of nice. I'm still kind of frazzled by the whole experience, but things are going to be fine, I think.